the diaries of a nobody

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Partnership Needed

With the huge increase in traffic the site has got over the last 6 months, reflected in the high alexa ranking, I have been hugely busy and, subsequently, parts of the site have been neglected for too long. Top of this list are the artists websites - people like Dali, Warhol and numerous others which still get huge traffic loads everyday. I've neglected the potential of this traffic for far too long. Also included in this list of neglect are musicians such as David Sylvian, Kraftwerk, and graphic designers like Vaughan Oliver. Huge hits; updated rarely.

What I'm looking for is a partnership with someone who can design a website which can sell memorabilia and works from as many artists as possible. He/she would design it and we both could take care of everyday usage. Both partners would have access to the site and it would be linked to the main site thereby guaranteeing huge traffic levels and would be used as a selling platform. I would promote it and pay for the costs such as data transfer etc. Obviously, the partner could also use it as a selling platform. Percentage cuts etc from sales of items and from the worth of this part of the site as it grows and becomes big could be sorted out at a later date.

In other words, the partner would be getting a chance to tap into an existing high level of visitors for nothing but a bit of hard work!

These pages could also be used to create an art website with features and news on artists.

The idea is still just that: an idea. It's hazy so if you are interested just e-mail meat ihuppert5@aol.com and we can see if we can take it any further and put flesh on the bones.

Sunday, August 14, 2005

Electric Six

Currently listening to the Electric Six single from a couple of years back, Danger! High Voltage. Why? Because, I pissed myself laughing when I saw the video. You have got to see the deer or is it an elk?

And because of the way the singer pronounces 'voltage'.

Not great reasons for recommending a product, I know, but then again not the worst reasons I've heard of.

Tallness is Not Enough

Is the world ready for a short James Bond? The reason I ask is that a guy I work with dreams so much of being James Bond that for his combination for his briefcase he has "007". He's desperate to get the call from the Broccoli family but others have pointed out that his lack of height might be against him (he's 5ft 6).

Now I'm of the opinion that this should play no part in the decision making whatsoever. But others have pointed out that some people might not want to see Ursula Andress towering over the hero and there might be queres at the box office demanding: "You've given us a sawn-off Bond, we want sawn-off prices."

I've disagreed with them. I think this is discrimination and just goes to show what a timewarp Bond now finds himself in.

As you can see from my pic here, I'm an ugly twat: does that mean that in today's society of live and let live (there's almost a Bond pun there) an ugly man can't play Bond? Must I always be considered to play a Bond baddie because of something I have no control over and something which shouldn't matter anyway? That's just not right.

Thinking about it: I'm never going to part with my hard earned cash again to see another Bond movie. Put that in your pipe, Broccoli Bond producer family, and smoke it.

Food for thought.

British Athletes | Best Excuse For Being Rubbish...

or worse, depends how you look at it. But, I've been watching the World Championships from Helsinki from time to time because I know the city well and wanted to see how the Finns would respond to staging the meet. Typically, they've done a great job. Helsinki is a beautiful city with parks and green places never far away. It's well worth a visit and these days the shops work out cheaper than those to be found where I live, rip-off London.

But going back to the "British atheletes" (I use that description loosely). One by one, they failed to get to within even the same postcode of a final. After each pathetic attempt they were interviewed by the BBC woman with the most irritating voice on the box (a Thames Estuary whine), Sally Gunnell, and each had a great excuse for why they couldn't put one leg in front of the other and run. "Tried my best," "I ate this fish the night before and it had food poisoning stamped on it but I didn't realise it would give me a stomach bug, but I don't want to make excuses" and other interminable variations. No-one had the honesty to say: "Look, I was rubbish, I got lottery funding for this and spent it at Macdonalds, big time...I could do with a Big Mac, where's the nearest Macdonalds?"

The funniest excuse was from the female 5000m runner, Jo Pavey. She trundled in last in her final and when she was asked politely as to the reasons for walking instead of running she replied: "I just couldn't run!"

How unlucky is that? She's a runner and couldn't run. Imagine if you were a nurse and couldn't nurse? Or a traffic warden who couldn't book motorists. It would be devastating as it would be hard to do your job without these qualities. Likewise, for a runner the running aspect of it must be one of the most important parts of the job, I would guess.

Though judging by most of the British stars it may well be still optional.

It's a sad situation as I could have been there and done equally as badly but would have earned from it. If I run I could have done so with a fag in my mouth, come last, not broke sweat and just said: "I did my best. I'm on 20 fags a day: what do you expect?"

So I would have finished last. That's no different to the the well paid twats who have just competed in the championships.

And I tell you something: if the organisers of the meet had placed an ice cream van on the track to try and catch there would have been no stopping me. Every sunday at home I'm after it when I hear it's musical siren.

And I'm like Linford Christie.

Food for thought for UK Atheletics, perhaps. I'm waiting for their call. Keep you posted.

Sunday, August 07, 2005

Worst Affiliate Site

This is for webmasters who are thinking of affiliate sites to join to earn extra cash. In my experience the affiliate sites mentioned below are affiliate sites in name only and are to be avoided like the plague.

Earns Little/No Commission

Oh, this is a tough one. So many affiliate sites; so few sales. Never has so little been earned from so many affiliate sites as Winston Churchill might have said.

Out of the amazons the best of the worst is amazon.com. The worst is amazon.fr (France). I mean what is the point of amazon.fr? Someone tell me cos I haven't a clue. amazon.fr is somewhat similar to London buses in that you wait five years for a bus/sale and two buses/sales come a long at once. Then when, eventually, payment was due they then decided they needed more info which meant more delays. Why they coudn't have requested that info when I joined is beyond me. Avoid.

However, the worst overall in my experience is easyart.co.uk. Or, not so easy art to shift if your an affiliate .co.uk. I sent huge traffic loads over there and saw so few sales I gave up. Not only that but when I last looked it didn't even have a facility to tell you online how few sales you had made. Some guy would e-mail you once a month with a spreadsheet of loads of daily traffic but bugger all sales.

Again there was a delay in payment when it was due. Funny that. There was a deathly silence so I e-mailed them. No, they didn't have provision to send the old-fashioned cheque - they had to "blah blah blah" (translates: delay delay delay).

A total and utter waste of time.

If you are a new webmaster then I would advice you to avoid all affiliate sites which are based solely on you getting them sales as they are unfair. You have to work hard to get traffic and if you send a percentage of this hard earned traffic to these crap sites then you are doing so only on a promise that you might get something back. That is fundamentally unfair and morally wrong. Think about it. If you were a newspaper and a company approached you and said they want to advertise with you and might pay you for doing so but then again they might not, it all depends on sales gov, then you would show them the door.

In other words, you are building up their traffic and they might not even pay you. Wonderful for the affiliate site; lousy for you. They are getting all your traffic and only have to pay out when they sell something.

Ask yourself if you would be happy in sending say 20,000 visitors in a quarter and in return you make £10.00.

Far better are the pay per click schemes. That way you will at least be paid something and and the more traffic you send them the more you make. It gives a monetary value to your traffic and that at least is fair. The affiliate site values your traffic enough to want to buy into it.

If you go for pay per click schemes then do your own homework on the sites you are interested in. Bottom line: make sure they will pay out.

Galleries | Biogs.

Added: Gloria Swanson | Tallulah Bankhead | Jennifer Jones | Eva Maria Saint

Saturday, August 06, 2005

Amazon Associates | The Drama Queens

Now, anyone who has read this blog would know of my intense dislike of Amazon's associate programme, their non-existent customer services, and their utter contempt for anyone who particiaptes in it. And I stand shoulder to shoulder with any associate trying to get Amazon to at least improve it (as long as it doesn't cost me money, in which case, you're on your own son). But please, can some associates stop announcing for the 20th time in Amazon's message boards that their leaving the programme and stomping their feet. I swear one associate has been announcing for the last six months that's he's leaving and yet he's still there announcing he's leaving.

If your leaving then leave. If not, then stay. It's that simple. Why the Eric Roberts over the top acting style of kind of drawing a sundial when you ask him the time like response? Nobody would give a shit if I left, certainly not Amazon, and why should they? I'm not naive enough to think that what I generate in sales is anything other than a ripple in the dollar ocean of Amazon sales. I venture to say that individually most associates can say no more.

All of us leaving is not going to happen because at the end of day Amazon is better than nothing and by nothing I mean some other affiliate sites which, well, how can I put it politely, wouldn't know a sale if it can up and introduced itself.

Most of us know that and reluctantly accept it. Most of us will take down links to Amazon if we find something better. In other words, we move on.

What we don't do is take an advert out in the national press to announce our immediate retirement in ten years time from the Amazon associate programme.

Amazon must piss themselves reading such bollocks.

The Third Man | 1949

Added further trivia to The Third Man movie pages. Everything you ever wanted to know about the film and/or the making of it is now there.

Last night, viewers of BBC's Newsnight Review voted the film their 4th most favourite of all time. All the more remarkable when you consider that it was the only film in the top five list that was made before 1970!

I love this film and think it is a classic not for the performance of Orson Welles but for that of one of my favourite actors, Trevor Howard. Sure, Welles's massive personality and physique are all over the film from start to finish and whether he is on screen or not, but, in my opinion, it's an easier role to play than that of Howard's. His part has a depth to it whereas Welles's is surface, surface, surface.

Howard lets you see how badly he hates Lime, the Welles character, but the hatred is inside him. On the surface he gives nothing away.
That is acting of a high order.

Anyone wanting to learn about screen acting should throwaway those 'method' books, forget about the king of Shakespearian hamminess, Olivier, and watch Howard in this film. Your education will be complete in one easy lesson.

Of course, another reason for its iconic status today is that it is all held together and moved along with such a visionary and inspired touch, by the great director, Carol Reed. Now, he was one of the great directors in British cinema, no less important that a contemporary like Hitchcock. It is here in this film where his genius reaches its zenith.

There are so many reasons I have not mentioned that make this film stand out. Some of them can be found here.

the third man